According to Rabbinic Law, a mourner should observe some of the mourning practices for 30 days. Which source did our Sages use as a support for the concept of 30 days? Deuteronomy 21:13 states: "And she shall cry for her father and mother for a month." Implied is that a mourner will feel discomfort for a month.
These are the practices forbidden to a mourner for the entire 30-day period. He is forbidden to cut his hair, to wear freshly ironed clothing, to marry, to enter a celebration of friends, and to go on a business trip to another city; five matters in all.
📅 Thirty Day Restrictions
For thirty days (sheloshim), a mourner is forbidden from: haircut, wearing freshly ironed clothing, marriage, attending joyous celebrations, and long-distance business travel — five prohibitions.
What does the prohibition against cutting one's hair involve? Just as it is forbidden to cut any of the hair of one's body, to shave one's mustache, or to cut one's nails with a utensil through the seven days of mourning; so too, he is forbidden throughout these 30 days. To whom does the above apply? To a man. A woman, by contrast, is permitted to remove hair after seven days although a man must wait 30. For one's father or mother, a man is obligated to let his hair grow until it becomes noticeably long or until his colleagues rebuke him for not attending to his appearance.
Similarly, a mourner is forbidden to wear new white clothes that have been ironed for 30 days. This applies to both a man and a woman. If they are colored and ironed, it is permitted. Similarly, if they are not new although they are white and ironed, it is permitted. There is no prohibition against wearing linen clothes that were ironed. After 30 days, one may wear ironed clothes, even if one is in mourning for one's father or mother.
✂️ No Haircut for 30 Days
Men may not cut any body hair for 30 days. Women may after 7. For parents, a man must grow his hair until friends rebuke him or it becomes obviously overgrown — no fixed deadline.
What does the prohibition against marriage involve? It is forbidden to marry a woman throughout these 30 days. It is, however, permitted to consecrate her even on the day of the death of one's relative. When a man's wife dies, if he already fulfilled the mitzvah of procreation, and he has someone to attend to him and he does not have young children, he may not remarry until three festivals pass. If, however, a person has not fulfilled the mitzvah of procreation, or fulfilled the mitzvah and has young children, or does not have someone to attend to him, he is permitted to consecrate and marry immediately. It is, however, forbidden for him to enter into relations with his wife until 30 days have passed. Similarly, a woman who was in mourning should not enter into relations until 30 days have passed.
A friendly get-together which a person is obligated to requite immediately may be held immediately after the seven days of mourning. If, however, he is not obligated to requite such a gathering, he is forbidden to enter one until 30 days pass.
When does the above apply? When one is mourning for other deceased persons. When mourning for one's father or mother, by contrast, under all circumstances, one is forbidden to enter a friendly gathering for twelve months.
When mourning for all other deceased persons, one is permitted to go on a business trip immediately after 30 days pass. When mourning for one's father or mother, by contrast, one should not go until his colleagues rebuke him and tell him: "Come with us."
When mourning for all other deceased persons, if one desires, one may reduce his business activities. If he does not desire, he need not reduce them. When mourning for one's father or mother, by contrast, one should reduce one's business activities.
💍 No Marriage for 30 Days
Marriage is forbidden during sheloshim. If one has not fulfilled procreation, or has young children, he may betroth immediately but not consummate until 30 days. For parents: no celebration for 12 months.
When a person's husband, wife, father, or mother was crucified in a city, it is forbidden for him to dwell in that city until the flesh of the corpse decomposes. If it is a major metropolis like Antioch, one may dwell in the other portion of the city, where one's relatives are not crucified.
Even a portion of the seventh day is considered as the entire day and is counted both as part of the seven days of acute mourning and the 30 days of mourning. Therefore it is permissible to launder, to wash, and to perform other activities on the seventh day. Similarly, even a portion of the thirtieth day is considered as the entire day and it is permitted to cut one's hair and iron one's clothes on that day.
⏳ Partial Day = Full Day
The seventh day counts for both the seven days and the thirty days. Any time spent mourning on day 7 fulfills the day — laundering is then permitted. Day 30 similarly concludes sheloshim.
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🎓 Key Principles
Chapter 6
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Sheloshim: The Second Layer of Mourning The thirty-day period of mourning (sheloshim) is a rabbinic institution supported by a verse in Deuteronomy. It is less intense than shiva but maintains five key restrictions.
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Hair Grows as Grief Lingers The prohibition on haircuts for thirty days is a visible symbol of mourning. For parents, the duration is open-ended — the mourner lets hair grow until it becomes disorderly or friends urge him to cut it.
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Marriage During Grief Is Deferred Marriage is forbidden during sheloshim because one cannot fully celebrate while mourning. However, betrothal is permitted even on the day of death. If someone has not yet fulfilled procreation, urgency may allow earlier marriage.
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A Moment Counts as the Whole Day Halacha applies the principle that 'part of the day is like the whole day.' Mourning briefly on day 7 or day 30 counts as completing those entire periods, enabling certain resumptions immediately afterward.