These are the matters forbidden to a mourner on the first day according to Scriptural Law and on the remaining [six] days according to Rabbinic Law. He is forbidden to cut his hair, launder his clothes, wash, anoint himself, engage in sexual relations, wear shoes, perform work, study the Torah, stand his bed upright, leave his head uncovered, and greet others, eleven matters in total.
📋 Eleven Laws
The mourner is prohibited from: haircut, laundering, bathing, anointing, marital relations, wearing shoes, work, Torah study, upright bed, uncovering the head, greeting others — 11 in total.
Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to have his hair cut? Leviticus 10:6 warns the sons of Aaron: "Do not let the hair of your heads grow untended." Implied is that every mourner is forbidden to cut his hair. Instead, he lets his hair grow untended. Just as he is forbidden to cut off his hair; so, too, he is forbidden to trim his beard and any other hair on his body. This applies to cutting hair and having one's own hair cut. If he was in the midst of a haircut and he heard that his father died, he may complete the haircut. This applies to cutting hair and having one's own hair cut. Similarly, it is forbidden to cut off one's mustache or to cut one's nails with a utensil. One may, however, bite off one's nails or trim them with one's other nails.
Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to launder his clothes and to wash and anoint his body: II Samuel 14:2 states: "Please conduct yourself as a mourner; please wear mourner's clothes and do not anoint yourself with oil." Washing is including in anointing oneself, for it is a preliminary step before anointing oneself as Ruth 3:3 states: "Wash and anoint yourself." Just as a mourner is forbidden to launder clothes; so, too, he is forbidden to wear new and freshly pressed white clothes.
As it is forbidden to anoint one's entire body; so, too, it is forbidden to anoint a portion of one's body. To remove filth, however, it is permitted. Similarly, it is forbidden to wash a portion of one's body in hot water. One may, however, wash one's face, one's hands, and one's feet - but not one's entire body - in cold water.
✂️ Grooming Prohibited
A mourner may not cut hair, beard, or nails with a tool. Laundering is forbidden, as is wearing new white pressed clothing. Partial-body bathing in cold water is permitted.
Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to engage in sexual relations. II Samuel 12:24 states: "And David comforted his wife, Batsheva, and he came to her and lay with her." This indicates that this was forbidden beforehand. Similarly, a mourner should not marry a woman, nor should a woman marry while mourning even though they do not engage in relations. It is permitted for a mourner to remain in solitude with his wife even though he is forbidden to engage in sexual relations.
Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to wear shoes? Ezekiel was instructed Ezekiel 24:17: "And place your shoes on your feet." Implied is that all others are forbidden. If a person is traveling on a journey, he may wear shoes and proceed on his way. When he enters a city, he should remove his shoes.
An allusion to the prohibition against a mourner performing labor can be derived from Amos 8:10: "I shall transform your festivals into mourning." Just as it is forbidden to perform work on a festival; so, too, a mourner is forbidden to perform work. And just as a mourner is forbidden to perform work; so, too, is he forbidden to engage in commercial transactions and to travel from city to city on a business trip.
For the first three days, all mourners, even a poor person who derives his livelihood from charity, are forbidden to perform work. After that period, if the mourner is indigent, he may perform this work privately in his home. A woman may spin fabric on a spindle in her home.
When two brothers or two partners operate one store together and one of them is forced to mourn, the store should be closed for all seven days of mourning.
🚫 Bodily Comforts Forbidden
Marriage cannot take place during shiva. A mourner may not wear shoes, perform work for 7 days, or engage in commerce. Torah study is forbidden — derived from Ezekiel's mourning.
A mourner is obligated to overturn his bed for all seven days of mourning. This applies not only to his own bed. Instead, he must overturn all the beds he has in his house. Moreover, even if he has ten beds in ten homes in ten cities, he is obligated to overturn all of them. Even if there are five brothers and one of them dies, all the remainder must overturn their beds. When a bed is set aside to be used for money or for utensils, it need not be overturned. Similarly, a dargesh need not be overturned. Instead, the straps should be released and the bed allowed to fall. When bed posts emerge from a bed and so it is impossible to turn it over, he should turn it on its side while upright; this is sufficient. If a person turned all his own beds over, but slept on beds belonging to others, on a chair, on a chest, or on the ground, he does not fulfill his obligation. Instead, he must sleep on the overturned bed.
🛏️ Overturned Bed
A mourner must overturn all beds in his possession — even in ten different cities — for all seven days. He must sleep on the overturned bed, not on the floor.
Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to exchange greetings with colleagues? Ezekiel was instructed: "Be silent from groaning." For the entire first three days, if someone greets him, he does not respond with greetings. Instead, he notifies him that he is a mourner. From the third day until the seventh, when a person greets him, he should respond with greetings. From the seventh until the thirtieth day, he may greet others, but others should not greet him until after thirty days have passed. And when he is in mourning for his father or mother, he should not be greeted until after twelve months. If he is forbidden to greet a colleague during the mourning period, one can certainly infer that he is forbidden to engage in lengthy talk and frivolity, as implied by the instruction: "Be silent." He should not hold an infant in his arms so that he will not lead him to laughter. And he should not enter a place of celebration, e.g., a feasting hall or the like.
הלכה כ״א׳
הלכה כ״ב׳
הלכה כ״ג׳
🤐 Silence and Solemnity
In the first 3 days, the mourner does not return greetings. Days 3–7 he may respond. Days 7–30 he may greet but not be greeted. For parents: a full 12 months of restriction.
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🎓 Key Principles
Chapter 5
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Grooming Restrictions Signal Loss Prohibitions on haircuts, laundering, and bathing outwardly mark the mourner's internal state of grief. These practices visibly communicate pain to the community and restrain the mourner from normal life.
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Torah Study Is Forbidden A mourner is forbidden from studying Torah — Tanach, Mishnah, Midrash, or Halachot. Torah study brings joy, which is incompatible with mourning. The source is Ezekiel: 'Be silent from groaning.'
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The Overturned Bed as Symbol Inverting one's bed for the entire seven days is a powerful physical expression of mourning — one's normal comfort and stability is disrupted. The mourner must sleep on the overturned bed itself.
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Graduated Return to Society The mourner's social reintegration is gradual: first three days (no greetings), then days 3–7 (can respond), then days 7–30 (can initiate), then full return. Parents extend this to 12 months.