A eulogy is an honor for the deceased. Therefore we compel the heirs to pay the wages of the men and women who recite laments and they eulogize him. If the deceased directed that he not be eulogized, we do not eulogize him. If, however, he directed that he not be buried, we do not heed him, for burial is a mitzvah, as Deuteronomy 21:23 states: "And you shall certainly bury him."
Anyone who is sluggish with regard to the eulogy for a sage will not live long. Anyone who is sluggish with regard to the eulogy of an upright person is fit to be buried in his lifetime. Anyone who sheds tears for an upright person will have his reward for this guarded by the Holy One, blessed be He.
🎙️ Honor Through Eulogy
A eulogy is an honor to the deceased — heirs may be compelled to pay for it. One who is negligent in eulogizing a sage will not live long; tears shed for a righteous person earn divine reward.
We rise and sit no less than seven times in honor of a deceased person. There should be no less than ten men who rise and sit. Only relatives should participate. This rite is carried out only on the first day, in the cemetery, in communities where it is customary to observe it. How is this rite carried out in communities where it is customary to observe it? We have the other relatives and the members of the family who are not required to mourn stand and we recite dirges and the like in their presence. Afterwards, one says: "Sit honored persons, sit." He then recites other statements of lament before them while they are sitting and then says: "Stand honored persons, stand." He then speaks again while they are standing and repeats this pattern seven times.
Just as we rise and sit in honor of men in places where this custom is observed, we observe the same rites in honor of women. Never, however, do we leave the bier of a women in the public thoroughfare, for this is considered disrespectful for a woman. Instead, she is buried directly after her death.
🪑 Seven Times
The custom of ma'amad u'moshav — rising and sitting seven times in honor of the dead — requires at least 10 men, is done only on the first day, at the cemetery, where customary.
Just as we rise and sit in honor of men in places where this custom is observed, we observe the same rites in honor of women. Never, however, do we leave the bier of a women in the public thoroughfare, for this is considered disrespectful for a woman. Instead, she is buried directly after her death.
When a person gathers the bones of a deceased, mourning dirges and lamentations should not be recited, not should the mourning blessing or words of comfort for mourners be said. Instead, we recite only words of praise to the Holy One, blessed be He, and exhortations to repentance.
The following rules apply when a person moves the coffin of a person from one place to another. If the corpse's backbone is intact, we stand in a line for him, recite the mourning blessing and the words of comfort for mourners. We eulogize him even if his bones were moved after twelve months after his death. If its backbone is not intact, we do not eulogize him. We do not stand in a line for him, nor do we recite the mourning blessing and the words of comfort for mourners. The term "mourning blessing" refers to what is said in the mourners' home. The words of comfort for mourners refers to what is said when standing in a line.
When a person gathers the bones of his father and his mother, he should mourn for them for that entire day. In the evening, he should not mourn even though they are bound up in his sheet. One does not recite mourning dirges.
We do not eulogize children. How old must a child be to be fit to be eulogized? For the children of the poor or the children of the elderly, five years old. For the children of the wealthy, six years old. This applies to both boys and girls.
The following rules apply when a child dies. If he dies within 30 days of birth, he should be carried in one's bosom and buried with one woman and two men in attendance. He should not be buried with one man and two women in attendance because of the prohibition against men and women being together alone. We do not stand in a line because of him, nor do we recite the mourning blessing or the words of comfort for mourners. When a child was a full 30 days old, his corpse should be carried in a small coffin that can be carried on one's forearms. We stand in a line because of him and recite the mourning blessing and the words of comfort for mourners. A child of twelve months is carried out in a bier.
👶 Graduated Funeral Honors
Infants under 30 days: carried in arms, buried with a woman and two men. After 30 days: small coffin, a line of comfort forms. After 12 months: full bier. Children under 5 (or 6 for wealthy) are not eulogized.
When a person gathers the bones of a deceased, mourning dirges and lamentations should not be recited, not should the mourning blessing or words of comfort for mourners be said. Instead, we recite only words of praise to the Holy One, blessed be He, and exhortations to repentance.
The following rules apply when a person moves the coffin of a person from one place to another. If the corpse's backbone is intact, we stand in a line for him, recite the mourning blessing and the words of comfort for mourners. We eulogize him even if his bones were moved after twelve months after his death. If its backbone is not intact, we do not eulogize him. We do not stand in a line for him, nor do we recite the mourning blessing and the words of comfort for mourners. The term "mourning blessing" refers to what is said in the mourners' home. The words of comfort for mourners refers to what is said when standing in a line.
When a person gathers the bones of his father and his mother, he should mourn for them for that entire day. In the evening, he should not mourn even though they are bound up in his sheet. One does not recite mourning dirges.
🦴 Gathering Remains
When gathering bones of a parent, mourning is observed all day — not at night. Moving a coffin intact (with spine): full funeral rites apply. Without the spine: no line of comfort, no eulogy.
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🎓 Key Principles
Chapter 12
🎙️
Eulogy Is an Act of Honor The eulogy (hesped) honors the deceased by publicly recounting their virtues. Heirs may be compelled to pay for it. Being negligent about eulogizing a sage or upright person is spiritually dangerous.
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Ma'amad u'Moshav — Rising for the Dead The custom of rising and sitting seven times in honor of the dead expresses communal respect. It requires a minyan (10 men), only close relatives participate, and it occurs on the first day at the cemetery.
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Graduated Honors Reflect Societal Impact Funeral honors scale with age and community status. A newborn under 30 days receives minimal rites; older children receive more. The amount of public mourning is proportional to one's mark on the world.
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Halting Excess Grief There is a measured, balanced approach to grief. Torah mourners should not show excess — weeping for more than 3 days or eulogizing for more than 7 days is inappropriate for ordinary people. Wisdom lies in proper proportion.